Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
