Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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