So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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