one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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