Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
