Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
