my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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