Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
