Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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