Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
