Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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