I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
