as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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