I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
