Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
