wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
