That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
