You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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