Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
