when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
