I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
