he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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