Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
