Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
