I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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