I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
