fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
