fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
