just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
