i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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