They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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