I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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