He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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