You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
