i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
