Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
