me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
