I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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