it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
