I can't watch pbs sober anymore
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
