I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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