sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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