you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
