great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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