Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Randomize
