the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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