im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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