this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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