just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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