Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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