what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize