just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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