You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
