it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
