I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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