OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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