Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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