I bet he comes in French.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?