Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here