New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me