If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?