That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize