Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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