i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
