Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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