Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
