She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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